summer envy of a plenty *

and just before everything can really fall into place,
i am pretty exhausted already! i know, i know,
this aint the right way to motivate myself but i am really trying.
i;ve been on my 2 feet for so long, i am beginning to feel blisters growing.
yes, because mr adam harmer said with the right motivation, i;ll succeed.
and because he says that i;ve gotta feel that my plan is worthwhile–
there and then i;d work harder towards my goal. so ade, buck up!

and stop telling yourself you;d die in the winter cold in the early mornings.
because it is only an excuse and you are just a lazy piece of pork lard…hur hur

i;ll let the pictures do the talking.
it didnt turn out pro-perfect.
but guess wad, my lecturer said i did well on 1st attempt.
and it;s good enough! woolala! yay yay yay! hurray!

with bursting contentment, ade dearest.

i heart school and everything cannot be summed up in words.
its a feeling, only felt by a light-hearted feeling. know?
ok, in simple form: its like having home econs everyday. get it?
ok, let;s do it in a simpler term: like everyday is a sunday. better now?
and i cant wait for pastry making tomorrow.

i;ve got friends from everywhere! and it is way awesome!
frm the united states, korea, japan, turkey, brazil,
scotland, vietnam, philippines, india

i swear my friends are way cooler than reading the encylopedia
and for my practical in baking today…
it is way way awesome-er than flipping your eyeballs inside out.

tae (left) frm japan & lissy (right) frm india

and tadah! my first 3 loaves of bread that i knead frm doughs.
uhuh, you bet, i was kneading it by hand, for approx 4-5hrs? yea!

COME ON! FRIDAY ALREADY!
i;m doin’ pastry tmr!! yayness!

why am i feeling the way i;m feeling now.
why cant i be mentally stronger?
am i afraid? am i insecure? am i just stupid?
then why do my tears flow so freely now?
why am i feeling crappy now?
just what have i got to do to make things right?
wheres the remedy so i wont feel so bad and sick?

why wont everything leave me already and i;ll be happy again?

i;ve just gotten my schedule.
and boy am i gonna be one busy bitch.
i am so excited and so so so so so so happy.
i am just so glad that i will be fully occupied.
that i wont get to even have time off to shop.
and no shopping means..no spending money!!!
yay yay yay! i wanna be rich already! muahahah
and i am seriously so excited for school.
i cant wait for the endless assignments to come!

i;m busy, busy, busy, busy AGAIN! yay!!!!

ade: i am gonna change my facebook status next week. i will put -
ade is gonna be so friggin hot, you;ll regret you;re not her.

fab: *frowns and said: huh? and why?

ade: *pauses for a while. clears her throat and continues -
because after next week, i can officially start baking
as school will commence and i know i;ll be such a perfect baker.
and everyone will be so envious and impressed over
what this lil monster, me, can do with my amazing hands.
aint that too hot to handle already?

fab: *turns and walks away, totally ignoring our conversation.

ade: *smiled with glee and excitement and whispered to herself:
monday, please come soon already. i cant wait any longer.
i wanna be so tip-top busy i;ll forget my name, just so easily.

each night;s dream ended like a fairytale.
and they were pleasant, too real, too unbelievable.
made-up illusions - my sub-conscious mind has drawn.
but at the end of the dream, i woke up
and realized they were artificial, man-made and unworthy.

ade, if its gone, its gone. get it?
leave the good times where they are now.
stop that anticipating already.

i went to school feeling pretty sick
esp when theres so much up in my mind
and i;ve decided to go to school with this mentality:
i hate new friends and i dont want any new people in my life anymore
they;ll complicate everything all over again making me all messed up.

but guess what, i still managed to mingle and found myself 3 friends.
anyway, they;re pretty nice warm people -
oh, and i bought my uniform and safety boots too.
i think i look rockin hip hoppin gangsta style yo.
because the smallest uniforms are still huge on me.

but whatever, it;s just a uniform
and with a uniform it makes me feel commited.
and as per norm,
ade is filled with those awkward butterflies in her tummy.
..will i like it? will i make it? will i live pass 6 mths?
ah, crap i know, maybe it;s just about time to change all that now..
i should stop using my head to think
and do things before i use my brain to question.
i;ll do just that cause i;m just so tired of trying harder & harder each time.
let;s just do it, go with the flow and never look back with hidden regrets
cozz i;ve made way too many mistakes
along the way with accumulated regrets.
i wished i;d just die and everything would die along with my soul
so i wont feel so burnt, so exhausted, so persistant, so anticipating.

on the other hand, to think about it,
i;m hoping that i;ll get so busy with school,
my part-time job and daily routines
so that i;ll just be too occupied to give a shit about what or how i;m feeling
and time would just go by really really quickly and i;ll feel less afraid.
i;ll be back home soon, safe & away from everything and anything else.

i;ll get over everything, just about everything upsetting and hurtful
before i know it because time will just heal everything. yes, it would.

p/s: i found this online and i felt like it is one great piece written by bob marley. here goes:

the hard blow, the final walk.
yes, the day has finally arrived.
and for that i will certainly miss:

the familiar sound of the taxi on the road
the car plates with standard “S”s on them
the sbs service buses that comes 1 in every 5-8 mins
basking under the impossibly sunny humid weather
tiongs speaking in their absurb lingo on the top of their voices
aunties gossiping in the buses about their day out/markets
talking/cursing VERY loudly, ignoring strange disgusted stares
wearing my jean shorts and flip flops not giving a shit abt style
and lastly, for being the typical ME, who runs, jumps, hops, scream.

yes, stay tuned.
i will be back, soon.
i said, miss me not already besties.