summer envy of a plenty *

i realised it 2 days ago.
i realised it when i was at church.
i realised it when a guy shook my hands.
i realised it when i felt his smooth hands.

i;ve now been given and blessed with
a pair of pretty uneven sand-paper-textured hands.

no, i aint complaining or regretting.
it just dawn upon me and finally realising -
i;ve grown up, so much more now, from everything.

to cut down on cost, ade made do and bought the cheapest brand here,
after two and a half months, she decided she had to do something about it.
one day while grocery shopping, she realised that there was a sale!
kleenex cottonelle toilet tissue with the cute lil puppy was “standing out”
and boy, it was selling at a fantastic good deal with a great value for money.
and eversince then, i;ve been addicted to the nice cottony soft texture.

now, ade has a whole new perspective on quality goods
yes, even for minor little things like that

and from today, i;ll motivate myself.
to erase the shit feeling about free labour.

i, ade, will reward myself come october.
yes, when i;m over and done with this crap.
i will buy myself a gift.  just to reward myself.
for pulling through the lowest pit hole, ever.

i dont want to go for my midnight graveyard shift later.
but i have to, i have to, i have to, i have to, i have to.
face it ade, you;ll be done and left with 158hrs after 9am.
dont dread it, you will be done in no time lah. hang on babe.

stop behaving like a loser already…

purely done : in the hope of self motivation til december:

when i;m back i;ll do all the things i want to
when i;m back i;ll wear the clothes i want to
when i;m back i;ll eat the food i always yearned for
when i;m back i;ll whip up a dessert storm in my kitchen
when i;m back i;ll walk aimlessly anywhere i want to
when i;m back i;ll find the lil me that i always was
when i;m back i;ll work for the money i want and needed
when i;m back i;ll revamp my whole entire way of living
when i;m back i;ll stay at home with mummy and daddy
when i;m back i;ll spend more time with my dog
when i;m back i;ll watch more tv, plus channel newsasia
when i;m back i;ll lie on my bed and watch the clouds float by
when i;m back i;ll do all the things that will make me so happy

when i;m back, all i ever ask for is freedom and security
and realizing, i am really at home, for good. forever.

ades defination of rude:
impolite, annoying, disrespectful towards people/animal.
and most importantly, the slightest form of not bothering to even open your mouth to ask for permission to borrow something.

scenario:
it was bread-baking day. puppet (name changed to protect identity) who came from the same country as bello, actually took my plastic scraper, who was placed on top of my own toolbox, under my own bench and handed it to another guy who was trying to scrape out leftover dried flour in the mixer. ade was not aware of it until the other guy took the courtesy to hand her back her scraper and said, “thank you and i didnt take it on my own, puppet handed this to me.”

and it has dawn upon me that puppet is one sick bastard, who just doesnt have the basic manners to open his fucking mouth to even ask for permission or let alone hand his own scraper to the other guy for whatever reason (of getting his damaged), i dont think it is right and respectful to even go by MY work bench, squat down under MY bench, and to pick up , MY scraper which was placed on top of MY own toolbox. seriously, its either you are trying to be funny or you are just fucking rude and completely dumb.

know what puppet, nothing is gonna change my impression of you.
know why, you dont deserve any second or any third or even the slightest chance of me thinking otherwise of you, because you are one sick jerk who;d just be that marter-fuckin’ pest.

*bang bang. who died? puppet, you friggin DIE.

and my final conclusion, the people brought up in that particular land is just way awesomely rude and are taught all wrongly (probably wasted their whole entire lives learning about respect) without realising how it is - to  treat a living thing.

scenario (that took place on 10th aug):
its lesson time and halfway through lesson, the lecturer requests that you get into pairs and go down to the library with a list of questions he has passed down and well, basically find them off a particular site on the computer. first, you are assigned to a super duper kanchiong foreign mother whom no one adores because she always repeats things that irritate, almost anyone or anything. and i tell myself, i;ve been in worser cases when i have a class of 20 odd 5-year-olds screaming into my ear. whats the commotion of just one troublesome lady.

the irritating behaviour:
while i was scrolling down, searching and reading in-between paragraphs to look for the answers, bello (name changed to protect identity) started using her finger and started to randomly point on the screen. initially, ade was cool about it. calming myself down, i;d always repeat myself and said, “ok, dont worry bello, let;s read through this slowly, we have an hour and a half to complete. we are only 5 mins in.” but after each time i repeated, she;d impatiently put her whole chunky fat fingers in the way of the screen, making me so frustrated and annoyed. out of anger, i broke out in a loud and irritated fit- in complete singaporean singlish.

ade: BELLO, CAN YOU STOP MAKING ME SO KANCHIONG?
bello: *stuns and stare at me blankly.
ade: YOU KNOW WHAT IS KANCHIONG?
bello: *swallows saliva and replied..”excited?”
ade: KANCHIONG MEANS ANXIOUS. WILL YOU STOP MAKING ME ANXIOUS ALREADY? CAN?
bello: *shuts her mouth tight and never ever raise her finger on the computer screen.

15mins later, my friend from across the other computer aisle asked: “ade, is everything ok? i heard you quite loudly just now. talking about anxiousness. what;s that about?”
and then i realised, i think i embarassed her in-front of the whole class while we were in the library, by the computer corner.

the conclusion:
but seriously, wont you even think in the slightest possible reason how is it that someone who is way way way way older (about 15-18 yrs older) than you can behave so child-like and insensitive to simple things like basic manners and self realisation that one;s doing is intolerable and massively irritating? is it ones culture that really did affect her upbringing? just why is it that such common sense doesnt sink in till frustration eats into the people around her and people like me have to tell her off, directly - so that she will be aware of how she has been pissing the shit out of everyone? why aint she even curious why the people around her are slowly drifting away? unbothered? or just simply brought up without basic courtesy/manners?

it just puzzles me. very much.

sometimes, things just dont go the way you want it to be.
you sigh, you scream, you complain, you cry.
but the bottomline is, i still have to go by this way.
why? because i did the silliest mistake of coming here.
only to realise that things aint greener here at all.
and because you are an international student,
you are supposed to be loaded with all the ching chings…
and be more accepting to people screaming at you.

know what, i;m done with all this drama shit.
till december, i wont ever wanna be back here again.

buses were delayed and some were off frm 1030am - 130pm today.
and guess what, i still have to go to school know?
who seriously cares about your issue when my life still has to go on?
sighs. this is what you get here. eat it, chew it and swallow it all. like it or not.

pastry is very much of love.
you roll, fold, pinch, push and bake.
the sense of accomplishment is priceless.

so priceless you;d get the joy just by sharing it with everyone.
yes, i love baking though i stand long hours in the kitchen. why?
because the smiles, gratitude and satisfaction frm the ppl eating
just gives me so much warmth, pleasure and motivation to produce
nicer pastries and working extra harder to be the best i can ever be.